My son Brandon...

When I was pregnant with Brandon, remember I said he was a twin but that I lost his twin during my pregnancy. Did I tell you that he had a love for monkeys too. I often wondered, if loosing his twin had anything to do with his love for monkeys? I know that we are primates. I also know that although we didn't originate from monkeys, we have very similar characteristics of them.

Brandon was my baby. If ever their was a mama's boy out of my herd, he was the one. He loved to be held, loved and cuddled. He was glued to my hip. He was OK when I let him down to play and be adventurous, but he just loved to stay next to me all the time. I loved that. He was precious, with a cute little innocent baby face. His eyes where big and blue. His face round and pudgy. He was perfect, and he was all mine. For the rest of our lives, we would have a special connection. Along with this special connection, out of all my kids, he is the one, I've been told looks just like me. Well, that explains it all right there, he's so cute because he's the spitting image of me...haha!!

He was such a good baby, so calm and sweet. He wasn't demanding, or pushy. He went with the flow of things. He was ready to play with his big brother the minute I brought him home from the hospital. They had a great relationship from the start. Most parents wonder how is my oldest going to be when I bring another baby home, I didn't worry for one minute. Cody was a cool kid. I had plenty of time to get him use to having another sibling around. I would make sure he knew that he was also loved and wouldn't be left out. So when I brought Brandon home Cody had the roll of “big brother” covered. There was no jealousy, no anger or hatred. He was a perfect helper, and a great big brother. He helped me with everything.

When Brandon was able to maneuver around the house, I don't think he thought much about crawling, he just wanted to hang out with his big brother as soon as he could, who seemed to have all the fun. All the fun a 4 year old could have anyway. But to Brandon, he was his hero. He would watch Cody’s every move. I think that's why Brandon was such a quick learner, he learns by observing, listening and paying attention.

As Brandon was getting older those same characteristics that I saw in him as a baby, came through when he was a toddler, and a little boys starting school. Brandon loved adventure. He climbed on everything. Which when he broke his arm, just gave all the more reason to understand who he was.

Brandon was friendly, yet reserved and shy. He wasn't quick to jump into “troubled” areas. He observed the situation, and make decisions based on what happened to the other kids who may have tried it first. Then, once he realized he would be safe, he jumped in head first. Literally, he wasn't afraid of anything. I remember one time, when I had them all at dolphin cove, he wondered off over near where, you guessed it, where is big brother was...although he was probably 3 at the time and Cody 6, Brandon saw the opportunity to jump in the deep end with his brother. So he did. Then I hear my name being called over the intercom to come to the medic area because my son just about drown. Well, I was of course scared to death. But that was Brandon for ya, my little brave heart. Of course, it was also a lesson learned from both of us. But he was safe and that's all that mattered.

Brandon was also a hands on kid. He wasn't afraid to get down and dirty. He loved playing in whatever messy thing he could. He was mischievous, and sneaky. He was the one I caught in the bathroom with a roll of toilet paper tearing off pieces, wetting it and throwing them on the walls of the bathroom. Who would have ever thought a 3 year old could have thought of something like that?

What a little bug! Who couldn't just fall in love with a little boy all wet with toilet paper stuck to his face, hands and feet? After that, I had to hide all the toilet paper, and keep the bathroom door closed.

Brandon had such a great sense of humor. He mad my dad laugh to tears one night. It was Thanksgiving 1999, and the movie 'The Mummy” had just come out on HBO. Well, not only did my kids love that movie, none of them were afraid to watch it. Anyway, the part where the guy is being attacked by the beetle bugs and runs into the wall....well when the guy runs into the wall, Brandon looks at my dad, and says “he wen the wrong way.” That made my dad laugh so hard. He still talks about it today, and still makes him laugh. But the tears are no longer from laughing so hard at how funny Brandon was, but how much my dad missed him. How much he missed all of them.

When Brandon was in grade school, I attended one of his Halloween parties. He dressed up as Pica chew. He said, “mom I know how much you love Pica chew, so I dressed up like him for you.” He was the cuties Pica chew ever. Brandon was also very athletic. As I mentioned before, he played soccer. This kid loved soccer. He lived soccer. Breathed soccer. He had his own soccer ball. One of his cakes for his birthday was a cake shaped like a soccer ball. Beck ham has nothing on my little soccer star!

He had been playing since he was 5. He was good at it too. He was so quick and moved that ball down the field so fast, he became known has “the little hurricane.” All the parents knew that he was a good player, I would hear them talk to each other about how good “that kid” was. Well, “that kid” was my little Brandon. Each year I would cheer him on as he got better and faster. Did I mention how good he was? Well, I'm aloud to brag just a little!

Brandon was also very compassionate. He once saved a turtle, and put it in my mop bucket. YUCK!! But he wanted to make sure the turtle was safe and out of harms way. He was sensitive too. When we first moved into our house, I was walking down the stairs behind Dalton, and my foot slipped out from underneath me, I fell so hard it knocked me out cold for about a second. Brandon came running over to me to help. By then I was crying with agony, it made him cry. He tried to help me up, but I couldn't move. I told him to go call 911, and he did. He was so brave. But he was so worried about me and the pain I was in he just wanted to help. Thank you Brandon for helping me that day.

He would also wipe the snow off my car before I would leave to take them back home.

My Aunt was kind enough to share a memory of Brandon with me the other day, and it was so wonderful to know that even when he was wearing a diaper he had such a sense of humor.

“A bunch of the cousins were over for a water day playing in the sprinkler and pool..Brando was standing on our deck, just a little guy still wearing a diaper under his trunks and with a full blown out southern drawl, he turned and declared … “ T he su-uh-un..is HOT!” The kids and I quote him all of the time. She said “it's to cute to ever forget.” She said “it took him like a full three minutes for him to finish saying “sun.”

Maybe Brandon's southern twang is just a sign of good things to come. Maybe he was meant to be here with me in Alabama. Only God knows!

I miss him. I miss his smile, his mischievous little ways. His sense of humor, and his ability to observe and listen. I miss his compassion and his hugs. I miss his humbleness and his sweet quiet spirit. I miss his stinky smell of dirty socks and feet after his soccer games. I miss his laugh, his giggle, his smirk. His love for tacos, pizza and tuna. I miss the way he would wake me up at 2 in the morning with leg cramps, or tell me he was hungry. Even though at 2 in the morning I didn't need to hear he was hungry. But if he had cramps, or a headache I would get up with him and give him aspirin and hug him goodnight and tell him I loved him. I always told my kids I loved them.

Brandon, my star athlete, my mischievous little soul. I love you with every breath that I breath. With every tear that I cry, with every beat of my heart. You came into my life and changed it forever. I miss you every minute of the day, and every second that goes by, I think of you. Being you, who you are, who you were two years ago, I love you. The innocent little pudgy faced big eyed boy. I will always be your mom, always. I will always love you until I leave this earth. If I never have you to hug again, I will wait for you in heaven with my arms wide open.

I was only able to talk to Brandon about what might happen for a short few minutes as we shared a shake from McDonald’s. I told him that whatever happens to us in our lives, always remember that I love you. No matter how far apart we are, or how long it is before I see you again, I will always love you.

The last time I saw my son Brandon was July 5, 2008 as we said good-bye after our last 2 weeks together of visitation. During that good-bye, I promised him, I assured him, that I would be back in a few weeks to pick him up again. I never made it. We never saw each other again. I wonder what he looks like now. What his favorite song it right now. His favorite movie. Is he going to homecoming?

Does he have a date, a girlfriend? Is he playing sports, soccer, football? How tall is he now? Does he still like to play soccer? Who is his best friend?

Brandon was 15 years old on August 23. Happy Birthday Brandon!

Does he miss me? Does he know that I am still his mom?