Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Handling a situation......the Parental Alienation way

I know, I know it's been a few days since I updated you on what was going on, and I will. But first, I would like to thank all of you who are supporting me and my efforts to reconnect with my son. All your prayers are appreciated and still needed. Keep it up, I will need all the prayers and support in the next weeks, and months ahead.

I called to find out if the “cop” that called me was legit, and he was. I asked for a copy of the complaint, and was told that it was sent to the states attorney’s office and that I cannot get a copy.
I was not happy to hear either one of those things.

So, I started doing a little research myself. The OP that was issued in February 2009, states that “I can't contact the minor children.” until January 2011. As of November 12, 2010 Cody is no longer considered a minor, he is now an adult. Legally an adult. Which means that I have done nothing wrong.
Which also means that it no longer applies to him.

I wanted to clarify this so I spoke to several attorney’s in that surrounding area that would know the laws. It was confirmed, and I was right.

As for the complaint. I am waiting to find out if the complaint was made by the “petitioner” of the original OP, or if it was made by Cody himself. If it was done by the “petitioner” that person can't legally do that on his behalf. Which again, is a plus. If Cody filed it (which we believe he didn't) and he decides to file an OP on me, I have his words stating that “I want to talk to my mom but my dad gets mad.” The attorney’s also said that the judge will throw his OP out, believing that he does want to talk to me, and he is being forced to file it. Which is called coercion and intimidation. He is an adult, and is capable of making up his own mind, especially if he expressed he wants to speak to his mom and his being denied his right to do so.

I found out that the “freedom of information act” gives me the right to ask for, and receive a copy of that complaint. Didn't know's called civil rights. Or so I was told. I am finally getting the right information, from the right people. People who are on my side and willing to go to bat for me. Go to bat for my kids, for my son Cody who has been silenced. Who's voice is not allowed to be heard. Who's rights are also being infringed upon and who desperately is crying out and no one is listening. But I am, and I won't be silenced or told to that what I am trying to do, or tried to do was wrong.

This is no longer “What I did wrong” but how wrong it is for this kind of behavior to continue to go on in our society. How wrong it is to file complaints against someone when there is no grounds to do so.

I was told that the original OP wasn't warranted for the entire family. I didn't try to contact “them” back in 2008. All I did was call my son for his 16th birthday. We talked a few times during that week, then it stopped. Then came the OP for the entire family. Throughout my findings, I have been told a phone call to my son, didn't warrant an OP. I wasn't harassing or stalking him. Or anyone in that family for that matter.

As for the warrant and violation that happened when I innocently signed up for FB back in 2009.
We all know about that....anyway, I was told do I actually know I have a warrant? Or am I just believing what I was told by those 100 attorney’s that sent me letters begging me to hire them to help me.

I spoke to a friend at another police department (but in that area) asking what happens in the case of another violation of an OP. I was told that all they could do was just issue another warrant. So do I have a warrant or don't I? I don't actually know for sure. Working on that too.

I am not going to be hauled off to jail. The state of Illinois has better things to do then extradite me to Illinois for a violation of an OP, that really shouldn't have been filed in the first place. Not to mention that this “violation” really wasn't or isn't a “legal” violation since according to the OP Cody is no longer a minor as it states in black and white.

So what's next? Well, I have some great people working on my behalf to get all this stuff figured out. My hero's in the fight against Parental Alienation. It feels great to finally have someone willing to go to bat for me. It's not just my fight, but a fight for all the parents who have been alienated from their children. This is my chance to give parents hope, and to keep the dream of being reunited with their children alive. We have a voice and we have rights.

Who knows where I might be going with this voice of mine. This campaign to have parents charged with abuse when found guilty of Parental Alienation, needs to be passed as a law. This is a crime, and children are being silenced.

Parents every day are being alienated from their children and the courts will do nothing to stop it.
Until we can get all the states to recognize this as a crime, it will continue to happen. But, with our voices, we can be the voices of all those children who are silenced. We can be the voices for all the mothers and fathers who have been alienated from their children.

We can take a stand.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

A call from the popo

So, my phone rings a few hours ago and it's from an 847 area code. I just froze, thinking that it might just be Cody. It's a Saturday night, he's out with friends and he's gonna call me. WRONG!!! It was from an officer at the Dundee Police Dept asking me to “cease and desist” my efforts to make contact. Apparently, although Cody is now 18, he is still under the protection of the OP.

I told the officer that he's 18. He told me that since the OP doesn't expire until 2011, he is still part of that order, therefore it's a violation and I violated the OP.

I knew that I wasn't exactly out of the line of fire, I was taking a risk. But did ask all the questions before I did, just to see what my options are, what's at stake and what the consequences might be.
If it's just this “cease and desist” I can live with that. Come January 2011, I am no longer under the OP and I will probably just let it all go. Each and every time I think I'm making the right decision, it backfires and once again I am being reprimanded.

If anyone knows the law regarding this situation, please feel free to share what you may know. I need all the help I can get.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

God does answer prayers.......

So life is a little bit brighter for me tonight. I have my hope back, I have my spirit back and I have NOT fully lost my son.

Knowing a friend of a friend...this friend started talking to Cody via IM ...he knows who she is, but doesn't know that she is helping me out. Anyway, I receive a message on my phone from her, with an email attachment, I open it and it's a conversation between her and Cody.

They talk for a few minutes and she asks how he's doing, he says “shortly declining, long story short, my REAL mom wants to talk to me and I want to talk to her, but my dad is pissed and doesn't want me too, but I do.”

She encourages him too, and he says “ya, she lives in Alabama and either I text her, IM her or email, but if I do my dad will get mad, if I don't my mom will get mad.”

First of all, I won't get mad if he doesn't....I am sad, but not mad. I totally understand and don't want to put him in a position that he doesn't need to be in. BUT HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME!!!!

By this time in the email I am in tears, balling my eyes out. My son wants to talk to me, AND contact me but his dad won't let him, or will get mad at him if he does.

So this is where I am at with this.....I want to reach out to him....I want to tell him that I want to reconnect with him.

So she and I are working slowly with this. She gave him her number for him to call her/text her. She is going to slowly start encouraging him, and eventually she will tell him that she is working with me to reconnect with him. But we are doing this delicately.

All I care about are the words “I want to talk to her.........” Those are the words that I have waited for for 2 years.

He has thought of me, he remembers me …....... THANK YOU GOD for answering my prayers. Giving me what I have prayed for, dreamed of and imagined. This is a small step, but I will take it and always look forward.

*I didn't ask this person to FB him nor did I ask this person to start a conversation with him. She did all that on her own. I had no idea that a frined on my FB had a sister that graduated from the same school that he attends. SHE took it upon herself to ask her sister if she knew him, and it went from there. I didn't know this was going on until after she received his friend request confirmation. I never spoke to this person directly over the phone, or email. She and I texted just a few times. She got my number from her sister who I gave permission to share it with her.

*any other thrid party contact that was made to my son,  was done so by that individual and I had no control over what they did or said.

It finally hit me......

Here I am, it's 10:30 on November 17th 2010 and I can't sleep. It's early for some, yes, and I just turned off the TV. Up until 10, I was watching one of my favorite shows, Seinfeld. I could barely keep my eyes open during the last episode, but I fought the sleep and watched till it was over, then turned it off. Thinking that I will just fall asleep, and into a nice dream. Well, I was wrong. My mind wondered off and it finally hit me. One tear, then two....a sniff, sniff and well..... here I am.

I kept telling myself while I laid there, that I actually did set myself up for disappointment. I actually wanted to believe that Cody would call me, text me or email me...SOMETHING!! But, he didn't. I am truly heartbroken. So this is what it feels like? It's painful. I don't want to move, I can't move, I'm paralyzed and numb. I am truly one hears my cry, sees my pain or wipes my tears.

I set myself up for 2 years thinking that my son would call me when he turned 18. I was so sure of it. I knew in my heart he would. I never did anything to him for him not to want to contact me. Or did I?
This is the guilt, the shame and humiliation that I struggle with all the time. It's deep down inside my soul, the guilt, the pain. I haven't cried in over a year about any of this, but tonight I couldn't hold back the tears. They hate me. They don't love me. They don't want to know me, or see me ever again. It truly is over. I am no longer a thought or a memory in their minds.

I thought that November 12 would be the day of celebration, joy and happiness, but it wasn't. I thought by now I would have talked to him, made Thanksgiving plans, possibly Christmas plans. I dreamed of the day. All was forgiven and life was normal. I was mom again. I heard the words mom....he would call me mom. It's a faint whisper.....

I set myself up for heartbreak. I convinced myself that nothing could separate us for too long. That the bond a mother and child have is inseparable. I thought........I told myself to hang on to hope. It will happen.

I was sent about 70 pictures of Cody the other day. He has grown up so much. He's a young man. He's tall and handsome. He has a girlfriend. I am missing his life. It's been stolen from I cry. I am mad, disappointed, frustrated, bitter and heartbroken. I need to just scream so this pain goes away. I need to run and hide, I need to just let it all go.....but it's so hard, I CAN'T!!! I want my son....I can have him now, he's 18....right? But he doesn't want me to be part of his life. I try to tell myself that I am the last thing on his mind, that he's busy with school, a girlfriend and maybe even a job. I am consumed with this now, knowing he's reached that age, the age of promise, the age of truth, the age that gave me hope. It's all a nightmare....did any of this really happen? Am I just in a horrible nightmare that's lasted 10 years? AHHHHH..............*this is my own nightmare*.....

This isn't what I had planned.....this isn't working. I've been sad deep inside, hiding it away from everyone, quiet and secretive....not showing my true feelings, but my heart is breaking and I have to let you know this SUCKS......!!!! I WANT TO SHARE THINGS WITH MY SON … with my son. Be his mom......

I was raised to believe that God hears our cries, and answers our prayers....what do I have to do in this lifetime to get him to hear these cries, see these real tears and feel this pain of mine? What do I have to do, to get him to answer my prayer? I've been down the road of the “good christian” girl. I've read and studied my Bible, went to church and fell on my knees begging for him to hear me. Where are you at now? I'm so bitter, I am mad at God. Is that OK? Isn't that aloud? I tried to “walk the walk” believe in faith the size of a mustard seed... a God that can move mountains and part the red sea can surely give my son back to me. IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK?? I have been quiet and sat in the back row for to long now.....I want to see my son! GIVE ME SOMETHING PLEASE!!!

I don't understand this, I really don't!

I feel like a failure. I have failed my boys. They have been fed the worked.

What happened to my positive thinking....?? REALITY IT's not gonna happen!!!