Monday, April 23, 2012

I am not using Parental Alienation as a means to make myself feel better about relinquishing my rights. Parental Alienation over the coarse of 8 years led up to the decision to relinquish my rights.”

This is very important for all to understand. In some cases, such as mine, the slow process over a period of time can become daunting. It can make you physically sick, and mentally worn down.

The agonizing task of emailing them to ask if I could pick up the kids a little early so we can attend a family event, and being told no over and over again, gets to you. Especially when there is no reason for being told no. They never strayed off that court ordered time of visitation that I was given, even though it says “not limited too.” However, I did remind them of those little and meaningless 3 words to them over and over...and yet it didn’t even phase them. The LESS time I was spending with my kids the better his plan was working. But why? Why wouldn’t you just agree to let me see the boys for an extra hour? Why didn’t you allow for me to pick them up a little bit early so we could go have dinner with some of my relatives that were in from out of town?

The beginning of our divorce was hard. I was left out in the cold, with no place to actually go.

When I was made to leave the house back in May of 2000, I stayed with my aunt and few nights, then a family friend. In June of that year I was moved in with Brian.

I will admit, I had a difficult time dealing with all the aspects of a seperation and divorce. I was scattered brained. To many people telling me what do to and what not to do. But who are they to tell me what I should be doing or not doing? I was feeling so lost and confused. I was being thrown in so many different directions. The only person who held me together was Brain. He was the constant in my life. The pilar of strength I needed in my life at that time. He was the one I relied on.

After I setteled in his home, and made myself comfortable, we know had to figure out a way to get the kids from Dundee to Kankakee. I still had my car at the time, and I still had that first order of visitation. So for a little while, I would drive to Dundee on Saturdays and spend time with the boys. The order hadn’t been changed yet to reflect a full weekend, so I just spent Saturdays with them.

Then I would drive back to Kankakee.

But when my car was repoed I was unable to make the trip to Dundee to see my boys. That wasn’t easy. But it was all part of the alienation process. Up until that time, the ex was paying for my car. But for some reason he decided to stop paying for it. And then left me with no transportation.

Not being able to see my kids for a few weeks, was also part of the plan. He was going to use that in court later on to show that I didn’t even show up for visitation with the boys. I would forever be judged as the parent who just didn’t care. Which isn’t true. I always cared and loved my kids, he just made it impossible for me.

He was establishing the primary care giver roll, while he portrayed me as the mother who left her kids to be with another man. Again, that is wrong. Brian was the last resort for me. I stayed with 2 other people before I moved in with him. And, I only lived with him from June of 2000 until August of 2000. I moved back to Carpentersville that August...but stayed with my aunt and uncle until I was able to move into my apartment and find a job.

It wasn’t easy trying to grasp all the stuff that was going on. The attorney I had immediatly started the child support order, which I wasn’t working at the that started to add up. Then when I did get a job, it wasn’t set up to take the money out of my check to pay that child support....and I had no idea how do to any of this stuff. It was all a foreign to me. I was just trying to process this entire mess. It was to much to handle.

So after I moved back to C’ville, my attorney set up a new visitation schedule. Wed nights from 6-9 and weekends.

But there were so many things the ex pulled with me even during that time that should have set off red flags to me.

For example:

November of 2000, I was to have the kids with me for Thanksgiving that year. My family came in from Tennessee to spend time with me and bring a car to drive until I was able to get one on my own.

I had the kids for Wed night, like on the order, but when I asked if I could just keep the kids for the night, since they were coming back the next day for Thanksgiving, he said no! So instead of allowing my kids to stay the night with me, and spend time with my family, he thinks it’s better for them if he just brings them back by 8 am the next day! I was not happy about that, but he was in control now, and I wasn’t. So his answer was no.

It was also in the order that I was to have the kids for the entire weekend of Thanksgiving. But he didn’t seem to comprehend that the entire weekend meant, sleep over too. So on Thanksgiving night, he came and picked up the kids and brought them back to me on Friday night at 6pm to start our weekend visitation. Are you kidding me? But, this was all part of him making my life difficult. This was him on a power trip and not using common sense. This was only the beginning of the struggles I had with him.


Isolation makes children more vulnerable to divorce posion. It is an alienating behavior.

1. Isolation breeds dependence

2. it prevents exposure to competing views of reality.

Isolation removes the child from the influence of people who would counteract the effects of bad-mouthing and bashing.

One common means of achieving isolation is to keep the target parent from seeing or spending time with the children. Another example of this, which happend to me on several occassions, was when I would arrive at his house to pick them up for our scheduled visitation, no one is home.

Another common trait of an alienating behavior is screening phone calls. Just letting the machine pick up the calls. Of course, these calls are never returned. This also happend to me on several occassions. Eventually I just gave up calling. Which is what made the ex very effective in promoting alienation.

So these were not all of a sudden over night experiences that I had with PA. It was over a period of 8 years....which then led to the forced relinquishment.

Now when I say forced, I literatly mean I was forced into making the decision to do it. His attorney and mine, actually gave me a deadline, or else type of ultimatum. Like I said befor though, both attorney’s will deny that accusation, and rightly so, they can’t admit to actually forcing a loving parent into doing something they didn’t want to do. That would make them monsters.


Isolation achieves physical seperation, but brainwashing also requires breaking symbolic and emotional connections. Cult scholars call this “stripping.”

They do so by purging their home of any reminders of the other parent. They remove all photographs of the absent parent. They avoid mentioning the other parents name and they discourage the kids of speaking positively about the other parent.

They learn to associate even there persoanl belongings with “dads home” and “moms home.”

The children learn that anything associated with “mom’s house” in my case, was unwelcome in the “dad’s”home.

A perfect example of this happend to me. Dalton had wore socks and underwear from my house home to his dad’s. That Monday morning I reveived an email from “her” requesting that I please mail the socks and underwear that he had on when he was picked up for my visitation.

I responed to her email and told her I was not going to mail them back to them. That they will be returned at the next scheduled visitation. Not another word was mentioned about those socks and underwear.

It was these petty little things that just made my skin crawl. Are we seriously going to get as petty as socks and underwear? I tapped the boys frantically searching for the clothes they wore to my house, before it was time to take them back home. They said we have to find them or we will get in trouble. They don’t want us to bring home “your” stuff. My heart sank for my boys. I tried to tell them that there is no need for daddy to get mad, they’re just clothes. But, they insisted on making sure they had those clothes to take back home. So sad!

The name game

The alienator will go as far as changing the child’s names or middle names so the child can’t identify with the other parent. This changes the way the child relate to the target parent.

Parents who engage in this practice are usually oblivious to the impact this had on the children.

It expresses a depreciation of the child’s tie to the other parent.

She resented that middle names I chose for my kids, when they were born. Especially my son Austin, who’s middle name was Jeffery after my dad....and chaned to William.

The children overhear the alienators call the target parent by his or her first name. They repeat it so often that the children begin to refer to the target parent by their first name. Same with derogatory terms. This teaches the children to be disrespectful of the target parent and her family.


When efforts to eliminate contact between the target and the child are unsuccessful, one option remains. The parent tries to sabotage the child’s enjoyment of the contact.

This happend to us on sever occasions. The boys would avoid having “to much fun” while at our house because they were told not to have to much fun or it would make “us” sad. Although, my kids always seemed to have fun and looked forward to our visits. They always seemed to be more excited to go back to dad’s because of he manipulated the boys with promises of rewards for returning home.

One time during our 2 week summer visitaion, SHE sent the kids letters and a birthday card to Brandon. One year, her whole family sent him birthday cards. Even though there wasn’t suppose to be any interuptions during my time. This was a distraction and intended for that purpose. They didn’t need to send the cards directly to my home. They could just send the cards to the dad’s house.

A common strategy for undercutting children’s pleasure with a parent is to refuse to let the children take important possessions with them when they spend time with the other parent.

If the boys did ever express the fun they had with me, he would top it with something bigger or better.

Cloak and dagger

Some parents enlist their children as accomplices in operations against the target parent. They instruct the children to keep secrets, to spy and to report back to the other parent.

I found a note one time written by my son from when I got onto my other son for being direspectful.

He was clearly taking notes of visits.

The parents will also coach the kids to lie in court under oath.

This happend to me as well. Their dad wanted them to an on camera interview about visits at my home. But the judge told him that was not going to happen. That there was no indication that these kids were in a position to have to do that. Nothing warranted this type of interview.

resources came from Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshak

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Parental Alienation and relinquishment of rights

Recently, I was asked the question "what does Parental Alienation have to do with you relinquishing your rights?"

My answer:

Relinquishing my rights was just the straw that broke the camels back. It was 8 years of dealing with a very uncooperative x. It was the constant struggle I had communicating with him. It was the obvious ignored phone calls, the letters that were never received by my children, or the letters that were always sent back to me "address unknown."

It was the interference with visitation that I dealt with. The missed visits because the ex hid them from me. Or, how about when I would ask for a little extra time with the kids an hour or two, and he would always say no. Or when I needed to switch weekends, he would always say no. But if he wanted one of my weekends he would have the kids ask me so that I would feel guilty if I said no. He had the kids involved in activities that interfered with my weekend visitation time, forfieting my friday evenings with the kids so they woudn't miss soccer games the next day. I was never provided with school information or medical emergencies.

This constant struggle of power and control with him was non stop, agonizing and relentless. Once his new wife was in the picture, the communication with him totally stopped and she became the main communicator between he and I.

We never had a year that we were not in court. I would ask for more time with the kids, and he would say it wasn't in their best interest. When we would go back to court, I was always left paying $1000.00 dollars of his attorneys fees for some stupid reason or another. On top of them rasing my child support.

But what really sent me closer to the edge of the cliff, was when my husband and I moved to Alabama. I filed a motion to request a change in the visiation schedule. I needed it modified to allow the kids to be with me in the summer since I was moving out of state. Of course, the ex wasn't having it. Claiming it wasn't in the best interest of the boys. The judge agreed, he said he didn't feel that it would be in the best interest of the boys if they were away from their dad for that long period of time. It was just 6 weeks of summer, seriously?!

....let me go back a few years here:

In 2004, Brian and I hired a lawyer. When we went back to court that year, some things did change. Although the ex wasn't happy about it, I was awarded an extra week of visitaion with my children, and was allowed to pick them up from school on Fridays. Victory for me. I wasn't going to complain. She also was able to reduce my child support, just a little. Again, the ex wasn't happy. He stormed out of that court room rambbling something in swedish.

During that same court hearing, his attorney was happy with the modification of child support either, and made it well known that he was going to file a motion to have it reenstated to what it should be. The judge said "you can file all the motions you would like too, this women is already paying what I felt was enough, and I won't change it."

Well, his attorney did exactly what he said he would do, and the judge, the same judge, did exactly what he said he wouldn't do. So, he raised my child support. But one little thing his attorney forgot to do, was add in arrearage that I was paying proir to this huge child support issue. From 2000 until 2004, I was not only paying child support, but I was made to pay back arrearage from 2000-2002. So an extra $50 dollars was added onto the amount that I was paying according to the calculations of the "phinplan" that attorney's use to calculate child support.

So conviently, he "forgot" to add that $50 back in with this new child support order. I had no clue until 3 years later.

I hope I am not loosing anyone so far.

Ok, fast forward to 2007.

I made a phone call to child support to report that I quit my job. But I was going to make every effort to make sure that I paid something, so that I would't be in trouble. Why do they tell you to call child support if you loose or quit your job? They don't do anything but say ok.

Anyway, when I called child support that day, the recording said that I owed over $14, 000 in child support! How could that be when it was being taken out of my check bi-weekly? Something just didn't add up? I was dumfounded, speechless, scared and shocked. How could this be?

Well, in 2000 when I was ordered to pay $100 week, when I wasn't even working at the time, that was adding up. It added up for 2 years. Then in 2002 when the divorce was finalized, and a new child support order was made, they added that $50 in with that new child support order. But only $50 dollars each check. So $100 a month was for arrearage. That $100 a month didn't even begin to touch the surface of that arrearage.

Then in 2004, when that other child support order was made, he somehow over looked that extra $100 a month and didn't add it in with this new support order. So from what wasn't getting paid, from the first arrearage, and the overlooked $100 from started to add up. Not to mention the interest. Yes, I said interest!

In 2008, I hired yet another attorney to help me get this mess cleaned up. She was going to try and get my summer visiation with my children since by this time, I had already moved to Alabama.

On June 20, 2008 we went to court regarding child support and visitation. His attorney had filed contempt charges on me for not paying child support, and for the arrearage that HE failed to add on to that support order in 2004.

In court that day, the judge denied my request for summer visiation with my kids. He didn't feel it was in their best interest to be away from their dad for that long. OK, I covered that!

Here is where it gets all sticky.....

In January of 2008, I filed a motion to modify child support. I sent the ex and his attorney a copy of the motion like I was suppose to do. I showed up at court that day, and they didn't. But the judge lowered my child support to what I could afford at that time, since I wasn't working and we were about to move to Alabama. The judge ordered me to pay like $150 a week or something like that, anyway, at least he signed off on it and I felt better. But he did say that my ex won't like this and will probably file another motion to change it. And, he did!

I hired this new attorney in April of 2008. I got a part time job and started in May of 2008...making $9.00 hr. (which I had to provide my stub to my attorney)

When I lost my job in November of 2007, and called to report that I lost it....the order for child support didn't stop, it just kept building and building....week after week. Although, I was paying what I could weeky with Brian's check....I sent the ex $150 a week. I know it wasn't the $800 he was use to receiving, but I made the effort and paid that.

When I got my job in Alabama, still made sure to make that payment. I wrote a check out directly to him and mailed it.

His attorney filed a few motions, one for contempt of not paying, filing a motion without knowing how, failure to provide them with the motion I filed...and of course, a motion to raise child support.

That's when I hired the new attorney in April of 2008. This was getting way out of control and I felt like I was being railroaded again.

On June 20, 2008 the judge ordered me to pay $1200 dollars a month, mind you on my $9.00 part time salary.....$1000 just in child support and the other $200 to start October 1, 2008 which equals $1200 a month. I also had to pay for $1000 dollars of his attorneys fees for filing the contempt charges. Although those charges were dropped since I made the effort to pay child support, even though it wasn't the full amount....

I left that court room that day in tears. I was confused and sick. How does a judge order someone to pay $1200 a month in child support when he sees that I am making $9.00 hr part time?

This is when the options of relinquishing my rights came into the picture.

This wasn't the first time I had actually though about it. A few years earlier, I had made the comment in an email to HER. I said "it would be a lot easier if I just relinquished my rights and waited until my kids turned 18." This was probably after being told I can't see the boys for an extra hour......I got so fed up with dealing with her, and constantly being told no when I wanted to spend time with my kids. I wanted to scream!

Her relpy back was "adoption can be arranged!" I was livid!

After the judge made is final decision, I looked at my attorney, who did nothing by the way to help me, and said "I am being forced to give up my right's, this is what it's boiling down too!"

Since I was in Illinois that day, and it was time for my summer visitation, I had requested that I pick up the kids that evening. I was denied that, again. I was awarded my rental time to begin at 6pm the next evening because "they" had plans. How? When I specifically requested that I pick them up that Friday night so I can get back on the road Saturday morning.

The judge did allow for me to rent them for that evening from 6pm until 8 or 9 pm.

So I picked them up and took them back to our hotel. It had a pool so the kids swam and then we went to McDonalds for some ice cream. Little did I know that was going to be the last time I would spend with my oldest son, Cody.

When we got back to the hotel, the kids were excited to see me. They asked when were we leaving for Alabama? I told them not until Sunday morning because dad said he had plans for you guys tomorrow. They all looked puzzled, like they didn't know anything about these "plans!" So while the kids were swimming, I called my attorney and let her know about my recent discovery. Not like she could do anything about it....and not like she would later on either. Another way to keep me from being with the boys any longer then he wanted me too.

The next day I was there at 6pm to pick them up. Cody wasn't able to come during this visit because he had football camp. I totally understood and didn't want him to miss it.

So from June 21, 2008 until July 5th, 2008 I was with my boys. During this time, all I could think about was how am I going to pay $1200 a month in child support. I couldn't!

But how could I just sign my rights away to my kids either? What was going on? Was this some type of sick joke? I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to think about it...I just wanted to enjoy my boys while I had them.

July 5th, 2008 I dropped off my boys for the last time. It would be the last time I would talk to them, hug them, see them, smell them....hear their voices or tell them I loved them.

The pressure was on to make a decision. Although my attorney will say she didn't pressure me, she did. I was being forced to make this life changing decision or pay up.

So, I sat down and did the math again. If I could use my entire paycheck to pay the $1200, that would leave me broke. I would still be, behind in child support so that would cause them to file another contempt charge and possibly to go jail this time. Which to me, is so unfair when I was trying to do the best I could with what income I had.

My options were looking grim. So, once again I receive a letter from my attorney, stating that if I decided to relinquish my rights, that $14,000 dollars in arrearage goes away, I won't owe that anymore.

So here it is again....either I pay what I can on $9.00 hr and not meet what I am ordered to pay, get in trouble for NOT paying it in full....and then what I can't pay starts to add up even more....or relinquish my rights and it all goes away.

This is what they wanted.....they wanted to put me in this position from day one. This is right where he wanted me to be. Stuck with no place to go....and left with one option. He finally pushed me over the edge....he had finally won after all those years.

It started when he would't budge from the court order allowing me extra time with the kids. The failed attempts to at making phone calls to them through the week. The letters that were sent back....all very easy to tell the boys that I never tried to call, that I never sent letters....that I never ask for extra time....all so easy for him to just put me in this position now....finally the straw that broke my back.

On August 13, 2008......the life I had with my kids ended.

I didn't know that Parental Alienation exsisted until AFTER I was forced to relinquish my rights. Would it have made a difference? At that time, probably not. But I do think that with all the noise other mothers and fathers are making now about it, and bringing awareness...I think I might have had a chance....and I don't think that It would have ever led to me relinquishing my rights.

So I hope this helps you have a better understanding as to your question.

As you can see, I didn't want to do it. It was something that I was forced to do. My hands were tied and it was all part of the plan to remove me from the lives of my children. If it wasn't their plan all along, then why did their step mom feel the need to adopt my kids and change their names?

If it wasn't their plan all along, why are they trying so hard to keep me out of my oldest sons life now?

If it wasn't their plan all along to keep me from my children, then why did you file an Order of Protection against me for calling my son on his birthday? Does wishing my son a happy birthday really warrant an Order of Protection? It does if you don't want me to have any contant with my children.

Do an OP really need to be extended for 63 years? Only if they NEVER want me to contact my children for the rest of their lives.

So if it wasn't ever really your plan all along, and you believe you did't force me into this, then what is it?

So does a parent who is being forced to relinquish their rights means that it is Parental Alienation? YES IT DOES!!!

Symptoms of Parental Alienation

Copyright 1997 by Douglas Darnall, Ph.D.

To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PA. You will notice that many of the symptoms or behaviors focus on the parent. When the child exhibits hatred and vilifies the targeted parent, then the condition becomes parental alienation syndrome. After reading the list, don't get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal in even the best of parents. Instead, let the list help sensitize you to how you are behaving and what you are saying to your children.

1. Giving children choices when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets up the child for conflict. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to decide to choose whether or not to visit. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, the children are angry.

2. Telling the child "everything" about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are "just wanting to be honest" with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent's motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.

3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences.

4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.

5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.

6. Refusing to be flexible with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child's needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children in so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visit. Of course, when the targeted parent protests, they are described as not caring and selfish.

7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true.

8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.

9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say "no". If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you.

10. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child's name or suggests an adoption.

11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.

12. A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation.

13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent's own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent.

14. Parents setting up temptations that interfere with the child's visitation.

15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it's "okay" to have fun with their other parent.

16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent's personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.

17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child's mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.

18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.

19. Listening in on the children's phone conversation they are having with the other parent.

20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of breaking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.

Posted: Sunday, April 22, 2012 12:00 am
For Angela Kadow, parental alienation awareness is personal.In 2000, she separated from her husband and what would ensue was eight years of court battles.“I was targeted as the ‘bad mom,’ the ‘noncustodial mom,’ which those words in itself is like wearing the scarlet letter on my chest everywhere I went,” she said. “My kids were slowly being isolated away from me. Their dad would sign them up for so many activities that it interfered with my visitation. I was forced to forfeit some of my Friday nights just so the kids wouldn’t be mad at me for making them miss a soccer game. I would call them on our off weeks and I would always get the machine. I would never get a call back. I would send my kids cards and letters, some returned saying wrong address. In 2008, I gave into parental alienation. I felt like the judicial system let me and my kids down.”
Parental alienation begins when a parent or family member attempts to undermine and dismantle a relationship between a parent and child. It may seem unfamiliar to most, and that is why Kadow and Hilary Crowe spent several weeks organizing and garnering support for their Bubbles of Love Parental Alienation Awareness Day event beginning at noon April 25 at the Toddler Park outside City Hall in Loganville.
Like Kadow, Crowe has her own personal story to share.
“My husband has been alienated from his own daughter for three years,” she said. “He sought legal counsel, but it took six months to find the right attorney that was willing to take the case head on. Then it took six months for him to get a court date. By this time, his daughter had successfully been alienated from his life and the judge hearing the case decided first to have them reconnect through a therapist to avoid any additional emotional harm to the child. Now they are seeing the third court-ordered psychiatrist. Each has come to the conclusion that this is parental alienation.”
Going through this process, Crowe said her involvement in organizing not only the event but a concerted group in the community stems from the fact the family court system knows little about parental alienation or what to do when they come across a case.
“There are other cases in Walton County and all over the world. Parental alienation is very common after divorce or custody litigation and mothers and fathers both experience it,” Crowe said. “As we have started our own awareness movement, we have had several other families in Georgia contact us with their own stories.”
The local movement is gaining momentum, as mayors from Grayson, Loganville, Snellville and Monroe have signed proclamations in support of the seventh annual Parental Alienation Awareness Day, where people around the world “will join together in blowing bubbles for 10 minutes at noon on April 25, 2012, to show their support in spreading the simple message of love for all children ...” In addition, the local effort is working with The Partnership for Families, Children and Youth to help spread the message that there is hope for families who have suffered or are suffering with parental alienation.
“We want our awareness campaign to be centered on a message of healing and repairing relationships with every party involved,” Crowe said, noting most of the groups she came across in the state were either anger-orientated or sponsored by law firms that tend to focus on revenge. “We would like to be a resource for other families in Georgia to turn to for quality referrals to licensed therapists, attorneys and other resources experienced in parental alienation. Also, we hope to get more families involved with raising awareness and hope to make a change at the legislative level.”
The first step will be the Bubbles of Love in Loganville. For more information on the group, visit www.georgia, email or call 770-500-7463.
© 2012 All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Welcome to the discussion.

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Last Updated: 6:55PM CDT 04/20/2012

Friday, April 20, 2012

So how far will one go to either keep us away from our children, or our children away from us?
How far will a person go to keep the truth under lock and key, and the lies pouring out like lava?

It amazes me the people that fall for the lies of the alienators and fall right into the same behaviours of these people. This is way these types of behaviours are "cult" like. They get followers to believe what they say is true.

Recently, I was in a group on facebook called MCRD. It was for parents who kids were in boot camp.
The one I mentioned in my post yesterday. Anyhow, I logged into my facebook today to find that I was removed and blocked from the MCRD group. No big deal really, it just made me think of all those people who have fallen in that trap of lies as well. After I posted my latest entry on my blog, I shared the link on that page. Apparently, someone didn't like it. *clearing throat
Wonder who that could be? No names were used, so no harm done. I just wanted to share my story with the group.

Well I guess the truth hurts, and so I was removed. It's a sad thing when you don't want people to know that you have alienated children from their mother or father. It's a sad thing when one person can manipulate a multitude of others into believing that you had "good reason" to keep the kids from their mom or dad. Those are lies!

Alienators act as if their main goal in life is to make their ex miserable. Often they succeed. They may be so successful that they drive the alienated parent away. Alienators are also very paranoid.
These people are exquisitely sensitive to slights. It takes very little to arouse their suspicions.
        -Dr. Warshak author of Divorce Poison

Corrupting Reality

Most common strategies for distorting the child's perception, beliefs and memories of the target parent:

*manipulates names to disrupt children's identification with the target parent.
    This is what happened to my kids after the step mom adopted them She changed their names.

*repeating lies until they are assumed to be true

*directing the children's attention to the negative aspects of the target parent and ignoring the positive

*telling lies about the target parent

*revising history to erase positive memories of the target parent

*claiming the target parent has total changed

*conspiring with others to reinforce the programming

If you would like to see more of these strategies please read Dr. Warshak's book Divorce Poison

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Not defeated.....

After I found out that Cody had enlisted in the Marines, and the initial shock wore off, I knew nothing was going to stop me from attending his graduation. I put on my inspector gadget magic fingers and I began to investigate. Day after day I would sit and look for any clues that I could to know when and where he was going to be leaving for boot camp. First, he wasn't suppose to leave until April 2012. Then, soon that date changed. He was leaving January 17, 2012.

No sooner he landed in San Diego for his 13 weeks of training, and I found out when his graduation was, I booked my flight for San Diego. I was bound and determined to make it to his graduation. Come hell or high water I was going!

So, I joined the MFN (Marine Family Network) site and followed along with all the other proud parents as they counted down the days until graduation. I watched as they all received their first phone calls. Their first letters. Then the second, and thrid. Then one of the mothers began a Facebook group. Immediatly, I joined! Hoping that someone might have information they were willing to share.

I put out there that I was an alienated mom and was hoping to find out what platoon my son, Cody was in. Instantly, mothers and fathers rallied to help me find that information. They all were going to send letters to their sons asking if they new Cody Collins. But that was short lived. She got a hold of that post and made it perfectly clear that I was not to receive any information regarding that recruit due to leagl issues.

I was instantly the outcast. I left the group. I knew that I shouldn't have, but I did. I knew that because of the target she made me out to be, I would never get anyone to talk to me.

On March 29, 2012 my attorney went to court to try and get that OP dropped. He knew that it was based on lies. He knew from the Illinois statutes, that no judge who was given the correct information would ever sign such an order. OP's are not extended for 63 years. Only in 2 year incriments and after a review. I am not a threat to my kids. I have not stalked them, harrassed them or showed up at their home, or place of buisness. Not only that, but Cody is no longer a minor, therefore the OP no longer applies to him.

He was going into the court room with all this to back up his claim on why the OP needed to be dropped. But, like always, it got continued. April 26th is the new hearing.

April 11, 2012

I landed in San Diego about 730pm. As I flew in over that beautiful city, tears started streaming down my face. I knew that the runway was on the same side as the base. I saw for the first time where Cody had been for 13 weeks. The time had finally arrived. I was a mix of emotions. Just beyond that gate was my son. The son that I had longed for so long to reconnect with. The son that I wanted to badly to hug. I was hopeful, this time I will get that chance.

The next day I had plans with my friend, Kim. She and I had been planning these few days for weeks. She and I met in 2nd grade. So we knew we had a lot of catching up to do. First stop, the San Diego Zoo. Then Misson Beach, and harbor island. We finished out that night at Hard Rock Cafe. We filled up our day with fun activites. Not only did I enjoy the day with her and her children. I fell in love with the city of San Diego.

That night, after her kids were all tucked away. We talked about the next day. The graduation. I told her what could happen. I showed her who to call if I was arressted and what to do. I hoped for the best, but prepared myself for the worst. We talked until 2 am. I told her what led up to all this mess. She was a great support.

April 13, 2012 Graduation Day

That morning, after we were all ready to go. I sat on the bed and began to shake. Tears poured down my face like the Niagra Falls. It was an uncontrollable sob. The time had finally come. After 4 years of not seeing my son, I was about to come face to face with him. Or so I hoped. Kim was a great support. She comforted me. Yet she didn't know the real pain I was feeling. The loss of a child, unless you have experienced it, you just don't know the pain.

Before we left for the base, we prayed. I am not one to pray outloud in a group or even lead in a prayer. But that day I did. I just felt like I needed God to hear it from me, outloud.

Then I wiped my face, and off we went. We were so close to the base, it was like no time we were at the gate. First hurdle was just getting on the base. The fear I had was "her" alerting them about me. Telling me who I was and asking them not to let Angie Kadow with a Georgia liscense on the base. But, like everyone else, we had to get out of our vehicle, it was searched, like everyone elses, they scanned our drivers liscense and away we went! Phew!

I was so focused on "them" that I forgot to take pictures. So I gathered myself and began to take a few pictures of the base. I was so happy to just be on that base. I was so hopeful!

We found a place to park, I took what I needed and we started walking towards the crowd. It was calling for rain that day, so they moved the ceremony indoors. Which I was hoping that wouldn't happen. We stood as far back as we could, to go unnoticed...

They started letting people in the auditorium and we slowly followed. I had to use the bathroom, I know, bad timing right? I was sure that she would be in there. Ahhh, the bathroom stop was a success. "She" wasn't in there!

As I walked out, Kim says, "there are two doors to choose from, which one will you choose?" We laughed! I picked the one we were standing closest too. Door 1!

We walked in and I kept my head down, and sunglasses on. Good thing or bad thing?

We made our way to the left and up 9 stairs. We sat down, and I laid low. I didn't make eye contact with anyone. About 15, or 20 minutes went by and Kim looked over at me and said "is that your son right there?"

She was refering to Dalton. I said "omg, YES!" How did you know that? She had NEVER met my kids or my x. Only pictures of them over the years. But somehow she just knew.

So I slowly leaned to my right and in full view was Dalton. Sitting behind him was "the x!"

I was in total shock. Boy did "he" look bad! At first I didn't think it was him because he was bald in the back. But after I saw his profile, I knew it was him. I laughed to myself and repeated a "George Castanza," "He's bald!" "Bald, bald!" 4 years sure had taken its tole on him. Yikes! But, God has his ways of punishing people. I guess he's working on him slowly!

The ceremony started and I was eager to find Cody. The opening ceremony started off by recognizing any former Marines the crowd. Guess who stood up? Yep! Now I am going to remind you, that he was discharged from the Marines after 4 years of service because he was accused of raping that women. He was stripped of his rank and was discharged. DISCHARGED PEOPLE! I don't believe the saying "Once a Marine always a Marine" pertains to someone who pissed away thier entire military carrer for a piece of tail. He was a disgrace to the Marines.

But he stood up anyway. The only 2 people who knew what he had done 17 years ago, was me and him. Funny, how this has come full circle. While applauding for all the other former Marines, I was screaming in the back of my mind, "sit down, your a disgrace to the Corp"!

But then, a small tear came trickling down my face. My life was sitting in those seats in front of him. He was still holding on to the Marine motto, and living this lie. I actually for a bried moment felt bad for the guy. But, it didn't last long!

After that, 3 young men were standing up front on stage. It was time to retire the flags that the guides carried throughout bootcamp. One of those guides was my son, Cody. I remembered someone telling me that he made guide, but it was a while ago. I didn't know that retiring the flags was part of the ceremony. They name all 3 of those young men.

For a bried minute, I looked over and noticed, she was gone. 2 things came to my mind: 1, she moved closer to get pictures of Cody because she knew he was receiving special honors, or 2, she went to alert the MP's! It was funny how, when she was gone, he moved up sitting on the edge of his seat blocking the kids so I couldn't see them or so they couldn't see me. Sick, sick people!

After the ceremony was over, all the Marines went out the side door and all families went out the doors we came in. As Kim and I started making our way out of the auditorium, I noticed that HE was standing up watching my every move. PAAAAALLLLEEEASE! Arms crossed at times and other times he was on the phone. Sooo COOL!

As we made our way out the doors and outside, he stayed far enough away, yet close enough to keep his eye on me. She was out of site. But they remained on the phone with each other.

He started walking over to the left, so I slowly followed. I was thinking, he was headed right to Cody. Then like a fart in the wind, he vanished. I asked Kim, "where did he go?" She didn't know either. Then over to the left of me there she was. One of my sons was standing with her. Both very defensive, both with arms crossed like a gate. A barrier. I told Kim, don't look, but she's standing to the left of me with my son, who I believe is Brandon. My sweet little Brandon...being forced to watch as the MP's came and removed me from the crowd.

As I saw the MP's approach me, I knew right then and there HE was leading me to the slaughter. The once excited and defining crowd became silent as I walked towards the MP's car and we started talking. Everything was silent was like we were the only people there at that moment.

The MP's were super nice. I told them exactly what my attorney told me to say. I gave them the statutes that my attorney gave me, and that seemed to work. I explained to them, all I wanted to do was see my son graduate. No tears were shed, my voice didn't's like I had performed that speech 100x .... and I will say, I laid on the charm and personality too. Come on....I had to add some humor to this situation. I didn't get a smirk from them a time or two.

They said they wouldn't arrest me, but they had to escort me off the base because THEY were still on the OP. They totally got it, that Cody himself really was not according to the Illinois Statues. As they walked me and Kim to her car, I asked the MP if he would try and get my sone to come talk to me. Then I mentioned that this will make for a great new story in the paper. He excused himself and told me to follow the other MP. Where was he going? MMMM!

As we waited for the other guy to come back, I called my attorney, who didn't answer the phone. I started talking to him about Parental Alienation. That SHE lied when obtaining the OP about Cody's age and SHE lied about him enlisting in the Marines. He said, that I needed to tell the other MP about that. I also decided to tell them that my x was dischared from the Marines for duriliction of duty. And I told him the story. He was flabergasted! I got his sympathy vote! Then I handed him a brochure about that time the other MP came back. He said he called the Illinois States Attorney's office, but said he didn't feel that I did anything wrong and that they were not even going to file a police report, just make a journal entry. We got in the car, and they followed us until we were off the base.

I was fine! I got to watch him graduate. Yes, the goal was to hug him and get pictures of him...but I was there. My boys know I was there. AND of course THEY knew I was there and that pissed them off. They would have rather chased me all over that base then focus on Cody. So sit back and pat yourself on the back for allowing my son to stand next to you as the MP's removed me from the crowd....HE SAW THAT I WAS THERE! HE SAW HIS MOM.......

This hasn't stopped me. This little detour.....hasn't shaken my faith or made me stumble. It has made me want to fight harder. It has made me want to make sure that every alienator is exposed. That I will someday be part of making Parental Alienation recognized as a form of child abuse. I will be part of that law being signed!

Trust me, I've already been thinking about what to call it!