Friday, February 24, 2012

The missing piece.....

Everyday, I always wake up with a positive attitude. I wake up happy. I thank God that he got me up and started me on my way. But he never said it would be an easy day. God doesn't give us what we can't handle, right? Well, I believe that! I also believe that he puts us in situations for reasons. I don't know how those situations will end up, but he does. I just wish sometimes he will give me a sign as to how mine is going to end.

A few weeks ago, I ran into Office Max to make some copies of the Order of Protection for my attorney. I knew I was just going to run in and out, so I left my phone in the car. When I got to the car, I noticed I had a missed call. When I looked to see where the call came from, it said “pay phone.”
There was no number and no voice mail left. My first thought was, OMG, it was Cody calling me.
This was still in the processing stage of boot camp, so I was hopeful. I have not had another “pay phone” call since then and I never had one before that either. So I will believe in my heart that it was him.

That night, I had a dream about Cody. In my dream, I saw him standing by the pay phone....I saw him waiting for me to pick up the phone, I saw the eagerness as he was being screamed at by the drill sergeant as he looked on over his shoulder (something that I am sure he was use to when he was able to talk to me on the phone) and after the phone rang, and there was no answer, he was made to hang up.

Since this was still the processing stage/maybe even two weeks after arrival of boot camp, I was also searching really hard to find out all I could about whatever I could. This dream was sweet and pleasant. He wasn't ugly, verbally...he was just desperate to tell me something. But even though I didn't answer that call, something he told me in that dream stuck with me. He revealed to me his platoon number.
The only person I told was my mother in law. I shared with her the details of the dream. I told her that Cody told me he was in platoon 1046.

Then about 2 weeks ago, a group was created on Facebook, MCRD 1st BN Charlie Co~April 13, 2012
I joined that group right away. Parents were sharing the names of there sons in boot camp and sharing the platoon numbers and sharing all the excitement of receiving letters from their recruits. I shared that I won't receive a letter, I didn't know his platoon. All I had was his name and where he was from.
So that is what I told them. Someone commented and asked me why I won't hear from him...
I gave a brief reason why, I was an alienated mom.... and that set off a whole reaction in the group.

One of the parents sent a special request asking all the parents to ask their recruits to find out what platoon Cody was in. When I saw that, I was excited! I was happy to see how they cared enough to help, even though I didn't ask them too. They took it upon themselves to do this for me. I was grateful!
Then, no sooner I hit the “post” button, telling them thank you, I noticed someone on the feed said
“thanks for the info ________.” ( guess who's name appears in the blank spot? Yep, step moms)
Funny, how she changed it too ...Like that's not obvious!

Anyway, I panicked! I removed myself from that group immediately. Something I shouldn't have just goes to show how much power and control I allowed her to have over me again.
Then, I thought, heck with it, I am going to ask to rejoin that group. I didn't do anything or say anything wrong. I had every right to be a part of that group. After all, I am his biological mom. He is 19 years old, and they can't run his life or mine anymore. So I sent another request to join.
Then after about a week of not getting my request noticed, I sent the admin a message asking her why I haven't been accepted back into the group. She never replied to my email, but she added me to the group! Phew! So now, I am back in.

Funny, the same day/time she added me, I noticed she added Cody's girlfriend too.
Of course I can't see that, I noticed someone welcomed us to the group and used our names. CRAP!!!
I can't see what they post, or when they post or when they are online...just like they can't when I'm on.
I don't post anything anymore....just to be on the safe side.

Funny how 3 people who know Cody, are in the group. 2 of us truly love and care for him and his well being. 1 of us doesn't. 1 of us only care about the bragging rights!
Only one of us has his best interest at heart, and doesn't matter who he loves or who he talks too.
I don't care if he wants to love his step mom....he's free to do so. I just don't like that SHE makes him feel like he can't be free to love me, his mother. That's the difference between the mom and the step mom.

Kinda just like the story in the Bible.

As I scan through the group, I can't help but notice all the parents that are always so excited to receive letters from their sons. I so badly wish I could join them in that excitement. I wish I could share with them more about how it feels not to receive a letter. So bad I want to share in the excitement of making graduation plans in April with them. The women in the group have a bond, they have all connected.
I feel that they all know who I am, and are told to “watch out!” Believe me, I am sure she sent out a mass email to all of them in the group and told them NOT to give me any information. And the sad thing is, they all believed her. Scary how much power this women has over a group of 80 people.
One mom had posted a few hours ago how it's going to be a huge sob fest when they all meet at graduation. They are going to cry when they see their sons, when they see who they have bonded with in the group and when they say good bye. Ahhhh, if they only knew how sad I actually am without that letter, the excitement of looking forward to graduation, or the hug they will all get from their sons.
Wonder how that will feel?

I believe that things will change for the good. God promises that. I believe that he his working on something good for me. That dream revealed to me a number that I needed to put that last piece of the puzzle together. That number was confirmed to me just this week. That has God written all over it.

See what she doesn't understand, is that God will always restore a broken heart and a broken family to those who love him! God knows which mother really loves her son....the one who doesn't want to harm him, but to let him be who he wants to be, love who he wants to love and be FREE from influence. I don't want to keep Cody from his dad his step mom or that family. I want him, and all my kids to know that they are loved by a lot of people, and I want them to have the freedom to love all of us too.

I also want them to know, you can't keep apart what is meant to be together. Just let us love the boys and let them love us. Let us have a life together and let the kids have a family, a whole family, including you, that love them. Kids need both parents in their lives.

Why do you want so badly for them to be sad, and hurt and have unanswered questions and broken hearts? Don't fool yourself into thinking they are OK? Because no kid who is forced away from a parent who they had a relationship with, is ever OK! EVER!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The fantasy birth mom....

Recently I saw a post in a Parental Alienation group that I am in and it read:

what about parental fantasy syndrome” you know, when other people steal others babies (children) and pretend that they are theirs. Most commonly known as adoption.”

Before I relinquished my rights, I thought long and hard about the consequences. I thought about what others will think. I thought about what my life will be like if I didn't have my kids with me forever. I thought, what am I really giving up? I only had every other weekend and 5 weeks in summer, and ½ Christmas and every other holiday...when he didn't hide them from me, or fabricate an abuse story.

I thought of how it will effect me, mentally and emotionally. How will my family handle this? Most of all, what will the boys actually think? What will they tell them? How will this effect them now, and in the long run. I was truly convinced that once Cody was of age, and when he was out of high school, he would come back into my life. I was confident! We had a good loving, mother and son relationship. But, I was sadly mistaken. I didn't see the big picture. I didn't think that they could brainwash him all that bad and that he would believe them. Once again, I was mistaken.

I didn't really have a lot of time to actually think about it, really. My attorney at the time was pressuring me to “make a decision” so the paperwork can be completed and they can get started. I didn't want to do it until after my August visit in 2008. I wanted to have my kids with me one last time. But like always I was persuaded to forfeit that visitation because the boys' father didn't think that it would be a good idea. That saying goodbye would just be to hard. No, what he didn't want was for me to actually explain to the boys what was actually going down, and didn't want them to know the truth.

I sent my attorney the email, letting her know my reservations about the relinquishment, and I expressed to her that if the step mom was to adopt my kids, which was brought up in the many conversations we had, I told her that I didn't want her to adopt my kids. She told me that by law, after I sign the papers, she has the right to adopt them. I said fine, then I offered to her the option of open adoption. She once again, in her lawyer lingo convinced me that it was not an option.
3 strikes, I’m out!

On August 13, 2008 I signed the rights to my children away. It is not a moment that I am proud of. It isn't a moment any parent should ever have to face. It isn't something that should actually be aloud to happen, unless that parent is legally hospitalized and no longer able to care for themselves. I don't even know if that is even something to even think about either. Nonetheless, no parent should ever be faced with having to relinquish their rights away to their kids because they are being forced too. But sometimes, Parental Alienation forces a loving parent to do things they are not willing to do. Especially when the judges and attorney's don't care as long as they get their pockets full of money. The best interest of the children doesn't matter to the judges and attorney's and obviously it doesn't matter to the parents who have finally got what the wanted.

I thought after the papers were signed, I was going to be left alone. I didn't want to be reminded of this horrible thing that I just did. This nightmare that I was living, or the people that did this to me. But I started receiving letters in mail from HIS attorney, giving me “updates” on the progress of the adoption.
I didn't need to hear it, see it or relive it. I didn't want to know when it was happening, I didn't need to know when it was happening. But for some reason, it was all part of the sick plan....I guess they just needed to kick me while I was down. Well, it worked. Finally I wrote his attorney a letter asking them to please stop torturing me with all the sad details of the adoption. But it was one letter that actually sent me over the edge. (again, all part of sticking the knife in a little deeper) I received a letter in the mail, stating that the step-mom was changing the boys middle names. But that wasn't the worst of it, when I read that she was actually removing Austin's middle name, which was Jeffery, totally out of his name, that was the stab in the heart that really killed me. Jeffery was after my dad. His papa!

What type of sick people do that to kids? Who changes a child's name? Who takes away a child's identity?

People who live in a fantasy world, that's who! These people brainwash themselves into believing that these kids they have adopted are actually their biological children. They convince themselves they were at the birth. They can “remember the day!” They try and fill the children with memories, false memories. The kids are then programmed to believe what that new parent says is true. These same parents, do the same thing with friends and family of the “real” parent. Filling them with lies and tales.

Now, I understand the difference between “adoption”, and “adoption”. A touchy subject actually. When a pregnant mother, decides to give up her baby for adoption, it is done at birth. The new parents raise that child as their own child and in their own time share with that child they were adopted.

But “my kids adoption” isn't that type of adoption. This was an illegal adoption. A forced adoption, a brainwashed adoption. I believe that my kids were legally kidnapped by their father and their step mom. I believe that it was a plan all along from the very beginning of our divorce. But it didn't just start when she came into the picture, it just started to get worse once she came into the picture. He knew, from listening to his mom how to play the game. She was an alienated child. The man she called “dad” really wasn't her dad. So who was? Who alienated her from her biological dad? The story was, when her biological father found out about the pregnancy, he left her mom. But I'm just not buying that anymore. She was never close to her siblings....there is some skeletons in that family. A cycle that never stopped.

Little secrets she's told the boys. Making them believe that she's their mother, that she was the one who gave birth to them. Making them believe that “I” was never apart of their lives. She gave them middle names from her family and took away mine. Who does that?

You can't have what wasn't yours to begin with, honey! Eventually the truth will be told and the truth will set my children FREE!