Wednesday, September 22, 2010

once a cheat.......

(Bob is now T)

I was 19 years old with a 10 day old baby, traveling alone. I was becoming very independent quit quickly. I had too. I was left with no other options.
Cody was 10 days old when he took his first flight. He was such a good baby on the flight too. He slept most of the way. It was a long flight. I had a lay over in Dallas, and my parents were expecting me in Ft. Lauderdale. The flight was going to be delayed. There were no cell phones back then, so I couldn't exactly call and let them know. But it all worked out just fine. When they arrived at the airport, they were aware of the delay. Both my parents were worried and excited all at the same time.
When I finally arrived in Ft. Lauderdale, it was around midnight. But all I remember was the look on my parents face when they saw me for the first time as a mom. My dad just took the car seat the Cody was in and looked at his face, and just cried. Those were tears of joy, and happiness. They were proud grandparents. They just took him and loved him up. It was a wonderful moment. I was back where I belonged. With my parents that loved both of us.
My mom had a room all set up for us. She even bought Cody a crib with all the cute little bedding.
We were home. It just felt right.
Time flew by and before we knew it, it was Christmas. T wasn't allowed to take leave for Christmas since he had taken extra leave a month earlier for the birth of Cody. But he would be home for spring.
Cody received gifts from his grandparents in Illinois. I received nothing. I did send them a Christmas card with a picture of Cody. But that was it. I didn't think they deserved anything. But I was trying to do the right thing, whatever that was.

Spring time rolled around and I was anxious to find out where T was going to be stationed. I didn't plan on staying with my family long. I knew that once T was finished with all the training, he would be stationed somewhere. The day that I found out he was going to be sent to Japan for a year, unacompanied, I was devistated. I couldn't believe that once again, we were going to be seperated. But now, it was for an entire year. I was more upset that I had to continue staying with my parents. (remember, I didn't want to move to Florida, and I didn't want to live with my parents) but, I guess that's what I get, right?

During February of that year, 1993, I flew to North Carolina, where he was finishing up some schooling. It was a fun trip. For the first time I was able to see what type of things he had been doing. What the base looked like, what I had to look forward too. I found out a lot of other things too.
I had noticed that he had become a heavy drinker, and a smoker. He denied the smoking, but later I would bust him out on that with a picture he sent me. Anyway, I didn't like this “single” lifestyle that he portrayed himself as. I thought he wasn't being all that truthfull with me either. But I overlooked a lot of things and just enjoyed the short time we had together.

A few weeks after I left North Carolina, T came home before he was shipped off to Japan for a year. It was nice to have him around. We made the most of our time.And we had our first family picture made during the time he was home. One day, while I was cleaning up his bags, and folding clothes, I came across some letters. I opend them. They were written in his handwritting, and they were not to me. They were too antoher girl. A girl named Allison. (I do remember her last name, but to be on the safe side I will not mention it) Anyway, the letters were very explicit and very detailed. This young women, whom he met in San Diego, seemed to have made quit the impression on the new father, and married man. He told her that he “wasnt” married, and that he was very lonely. He went on to thank her for such a wonderful night at the beach. The bonfire, and the closeness he felt. That he had never felt this way about anyone ever. “Really, ummm have a wife!”
I confronted T about this and he had the balls to lie to me. (red flag) He said that the letters I found were not his, he didn't write them. That he wrote them for a friend who just didn't know how to express his feelings. Bull crap! I wasn't buying any of it.
How was I suppose to feel? What was I suppose to do? There I was, a new mom, a wife, and I was already facing my husband and his infidelity, which he lied about. And now, he was being shipped of to Japan with this lingering over our heads? But, what could I do? Well, the little detective in me couldn't let this go. So I tracked down this “Allison” and wrote her a letter. (were was the internet when I needed it? It would've made my searh a lot easier)
She responded and told me that she didn't know that he was married. She apologized and that was that. I wanted details, more proof. But in my letter to her, I promised that once I found out that they did in fact have an affair, I would leave her alone. And I did. I had all I needed. I got her letter as proof. (guess what, I still have it too) In one of my many letters to T, I sent him a copy of it. He never said another word. He just knew.

Cody was growing up fast. I wrote down every single milestone in his baby book. I kept up with all his “firsts.” I made a video of him and sent it to T too. He was a great baby. I loved being a mom.
My parents were supporting me and my son. I wanted to work, but my mom had made it clear that if I had a job, she wanted to be paid to watch Cody. I thought that was a dirty thing to do. So I decided not to work. However, I wasn't getting any money either from T. He was suppose to send me money when he got paid. We even set up a bank account for me so when he got paid he could just deposit it in the account for me. But that never happened. I would be lucky if I receive $100 a month. And he would send it Western Union, which cost a lot more to do. I tried to make it simple for him. But as I would find out, he hadn't told the Marine corp that he was a married man with a child. (red flag) my dad was finally getting tired of him not sending money, so my dad called up a few people. And whatya know, I started receiving money on a regulare basis. I don't understantd why he didn't tell the Marine Corp he was married, but he didn't.

In October of 1993, his cousin was getting married. So I decided to go. I packed up Cody and we flew in for the wedding. I was nervous, I knew his parents were going to be there, and I hadn't spoken to them since the day I left almost a year ago. On the day of the wedding, I was dressed really nicely, and I made sure that Cody looked his best too. We sat next to his aunt. As we chatted, and they talked to Cody, in walks his paremts. They sat right behind us. They didn't even make eye contact. They didn't talk to me or even acknowledge Cody. This was a sad moment, and honestly, wasn't expected.
Cody even dropped a toy and they didn't even bother to pick it up and hand it to him. I was stunned!
After the wedding, as everyone was heading to the reception, his aunt approached me and asked if I wanted to leave Cody at GG's. I wasn't sure that I wanted to do that, given that I didn't really trust his parents and what they might do if they found out that I left Cody with a sitter. But, I eventually caved, and I left Cody with a sitter at his great grandma's house. I was nervous, but tried to enjoy myself anyway. It all worked out well. I picked up my baby without incident.

After I arrived home, Cody was about to celebrate his first birthday. T's parents sent Cody a package for his birthday. Toys, clothes and books. Along with a nice letter, addressed to addressed to Cody, but meant for me to read. The letter read “it would've been nice to see you while you were here. To bad you were to busy to stop by and visit with your grams and gramps.” I was livid. How could they?
They had every opportunity to talk to us, to ask us to stop by, but they didn't. So I wrote them a letter back. (email would've been nice then too) my letter short and to the point, but I let them have it.
I said, “ If we would've felt welcomed we would have stopped by. You sat right behind us and didn't even say hi, you didn't even aknowledge us.” I went on to say, “if we were invited, we would have stopped by.” I made a copy of both letters and sent them to T. He needed to know how his parents were treating us, how they had treated us.
I was done with them. I didn't want any part of them.

In April of 1994, T had his orders, we were moving to North Carolina. He was still in Japan, with only a few more days left before he would be home. I was packing up our things in Florida and looking forward to finally staring our life together.
But before he even came home, I was lining up housing for us. By the time we arrievd in North Carolina, I had names of apartments and realators lined up. It didn't take long before I had a place picked out and lined up to move into.
Saying goodbye to my parents was hard. But we knew this time was coming. It was especially hard for them to say goodbye to Cody. He was their baby, their first grandson. They love him so much and had taken care of us for over a year. But my parents knew this was the right thing to do. They knew, it was time for me to go and finally start my life. It was time for us to finally be a family.

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