A graduate, a bride and a baby....

Just before graduation, my parents had put our house on the market. Once again, my dad was moving us to Florida. Let me just add in here, that I didn't get pregnant just so I wouldn't have to move to Florida.

However, I didn't want to move. I had been dating Bob for sometime and I didn't want to loose what we had. I really didn't have a plan for when my parents were gone. But I knew I didn't want to move to Florida. So this just added shock and surprise to them when they found out I was pregnant. This announcement just added to the stress and tension that was hovering in our home. The move, graduation, a wedding and now a baby.

Sad, actually, but I am being honest here. This is how I was feeling. I didn't want to be around my parents anymore. I didn't want to live with them. Don't get my wrong, both of my parents were good parents. My sister, brother and I didn't want to for anything. We had a great childhood. But there was times when my parents would fight so much that it wore on me. I couldn't handle the fighting, screaming and yelling all the time. The worst part of it was, when they fought, my mom would fall into a deep depression and stay in bed for days. She would hate the world, us, her kids, my dad and God. She would tell that to our face. But only when she was in one of her moods. All the other quiet times, she was fun to be around.

With graduation over with, and a wedding and a move on the way, you could just imagine how all of this could stress a family out. But we made it through. That's what I love about my family. We have hard times. Face many challenges, but we make it through.

The invitations were sent out, the dress was bought, cake picked out, church was decorated. It was going to be a good day. On the day of the wedding, all my family was in town for the big day. I felt so comforted, loved and secure. All these people were here to support me, the marriage and my new future. I never knew how much I would appreciate my grandpa on that day. He drove me to the church that morning. It was such a sweet time for us. This was going to be the last time I would ride with him as a single women. It was a bittersweet moment.

I arrived at the church early, to make sure the decorations were in place, the music was ready and so that I could get ready myself. The photographer was there to capture all the before and behind the scenes pictures. My mom helping me with my veil. My cousins helping me with my dress. All the fun things about being the bride.

As family started arriving at the church, I had noticed that his family hadn't showed up yet. The groom hadn't showed up yet either. Was he getting cold feet? Did his parents talk him out of getting married?

In my heart I was ready for this, I wanted this to happen. It was the right thing to do. But, I did have small doubts. Was I doing the right thing? Did I really love this guy? Was I ready to be a wife?

I guess it was to late. He showed up with like 5 minutes to spare. “Jerk!” (red flag)

As everyone got settled in their seats, the doors opened and the wedding march began. It was time.

My dads eyes started tearing up as he walked me down the isle. I was crying. I looked over at my mom, she was crying. I don't know if there was a dry eye in the church. As I looked around at all my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, I couldn't help but feel terribly sad for Bob. He had no family there, except for his parents and brother, who was his best man. It was sad because throughout the last 3 months, while preparing for this day, he wasn't allowed to let any of his family know. He wasn't allowed to have his best friend be his best man. He didn't have the honor of his grandmother, cousins, aunts or uncles to support him on this day. I thought that it was wrong of his parents to punish him that way. But that's who they were. Cold, isolated and selfish. Their son had embarrassed them and didn't think it was right to make it a celebration. It's called forgiveness people. But I would soon learn that they didn't know the meaning of the word.

The ceremony was short and sweet. My cousin sang “Wind Beneath My Wings.” Cheesy yes, but it was the early 90's and it was a very popular wedding song.

After the wedding, we went downstairs for the small reception. Family laughed, and talked, and ate. It was a wonderful time. I even saw his parents laughing with my Aunt. Which I appreciated. I wanted them to feel the love that my family shared for each other, and for others.

After it was all said and done, I was Mrs. Bob Collins. We would spend our first “real” night together in Milwaukee Wisconsin. This is where for the next 3 days, we would experience a life of togetherness.

We went to the zoo, ate out, played pool and toured the downtown area. It was nice. Even if it was the first time we had ever been alone for that long before. I was in love.

When we arrived back home. Bob had to move all of his things over to my parents house. This is where we would be living until he left for the Marine Corp, and until my parents moved to Florida.

During the time that we found out I was pregnant, he had decided that the best thing for him to do, was join the military. This had been one of his dreams since he was young. He had always talked about that to me. But his parents wanted him to go to college and play football. “Oops, I shattered those dreams!” He never expressed his desire to join the military to his parents. Feeling afraid and scared to talk to them about his life, and his goals, his dreams. They didn't have that type of relationship with his parents. (red flag) And I think he felt that they would've talked him out of it.

So when he decided to join, he talked to my dad about it first. This was the right thing to do. We would have insurance, and a steady income. That's what was most important for all of us. So Bob enlisted in the Marine Corp. Only problem, he had to have the signature of one of his parents since at the time, he was still a minor. So, without hesitation, his father signed the papers. It was official, Bob was in the custody of the United States Marine Corp.

By July my dad and sister had already moved to Florida. My dad, starting his business and my sister, well, she was along for the ride. It was a good break for all of us. Bob was scheduled to leave in August and my parents were moving in September. Bob worked at the local park district and I worked at Speis, a department store I the mall. Things were going well. We were saving money and enjoying our time together. However, I wasn't really looking forward to Bob leaving for 3 months, nor was I looking forward to my family leaving me either. I was a mix of emotions. It was the pregnancy. We had already found out that I was having a boy, so I scored “boy” points with his parents. Like it would've made a difference. Well, ya, with them, it probably would have. She was excited to hear that her first grandchild was going to be a son. I had a baby shower planned from my family, and one planned from his family. This was great, all these distractions. So much to look forward too, would make time fly by.

Turns out, after Bob left for boot camp. I ended up going to Florida with my parents for a month anyway. With the permission of my Dr. I had to be back in October since I was in the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy. Going to Florida was a good distraction for me. I didn't worry about Bob so much. But I did make sure I sent him a letter everyday with updates about the pregnancy and about Florida. I was a good pen pal. I would receive letters from him too from time to time. Which I was thankful for.

In October I went back to Illinois, where for the next month I would live with my aunt and uncle.

This was an agreement that she and my dad had worked out before I returned.

I enjoyed staying with them. She had a little boy who was a year old. So I was getting a taste of baby life, and married and...a taste of being homesick. I missed my family. But I kept myself busy. So much had happened in such a short period of time, I didn't know how to feel. I didn't visit his family much, I just didn't feel welcomed, and they didn't make any effort to make me feel welcomed either. So I just stayed with my aunt, and talked to her. I learned so much during that month. It was a wonderful experience.

With the anticipation of Bob's arrival home from boot camp, I decided to stay that evening with his parents. I would've drove to the airport myself to pick him up, but they insisted on renting a limo to bring him home. Which I found to be odd. I would've wanted to be at the airport to great him as he

came off the plane. But that wasn't them. (red flag)

As I sat with his parents in the living room, staring at the walls, bored to death and no common

interests to start a conversation....thank God, ”saved by the bell, “ the car pulls up the hill and into the driveway. Bob was finally home after 3 months away. We all ran out to the driveway to great him. At that moment, his parents and I found a common interest. Bob. He looked so thin. His face, was sunk in and he was all muscle. He was also not the same person that left 3 months ago. He was withdrawn, distant and quiet. He never was one to show emotion, but he had really lost what he did have.

The night was filled with stories and experiences from boot camp. What he liked and disliked. The honors he received for expert shooter, bla bla bla. This, I wasn't interested in at all. I was happy to hear about his journey through boot camp, but I had heard most of this in his letters.

Now, I was hoping that during the time he was on leave, that I might go into labor. I had mentioned this to my Dr. and asked if he could induce me while Bob was home so he would be there for the birth of our first son. But he didn't seem to think that was a good idea.

Well, I didn't need to be induced after all. The morning after Bob arrived home, I started feeling something wasn't right. I mentioned this to his mom, and told her what I was feeling. I called my Dr. and he told me to come right in. Bob's mom was home that day, so she drove me. Were we boding?

We arrived at the Dr.'s office, and to my surprise, I was had dilated to 3cm. The Dr. admitted me to the hospital. He said everything looked good with baby, so he let this progress. I was excited because Bob was going to be with me. He was going to see his first son born,

Bob's mom drove me over to the hospital, and stayed with me until late that night. Bob, on the other hand was running around with his dad and brother playing in the woods. When he arrived at the hospital, around 7, his mom still stayed with us. There we were, the 3 of us. Waiting. We decided that since we hadn't picked out a name yet, we thought now was a good time. It didn't take long and finally, we decided on “Cody James Collins.” It was a perfect name.

Bob's mom k kept herself busy sitting in a rocking chair knitting a blanket. Something she had been working on since she had heard the news. She looked so nice and peaceful in that chair. She looked like a real grandma. Although she didn't express her excitement, her presence gave her excitement away. She stayed until about 10 that night and finally left to go home. She kissed Bob goodnight, and came over and kissed me too. Was this lady finally having a change of heart? Was I finally becoming a “real” daughter-in-law to her?

Bob stayed the entire night with me. I was having small contractions throughout the night, which by 7am I was already dilated to 7cm. So when the Dr. came in to examine me, he broke my water. After he did that, my contractions were coming more frequently. I was a real trooper. I breathed during each contraction, and kept my cool. I didn't overreact, I stayed calm. At around 930am I was feeling a lot pressure. I knew this was it...the nurses called the Dr. back in and it was all a blur from there. I remember pushing for just a few minutes, and in no time I heard the little cry of a baby. At 9:50am on November 12, 1992 I became a mom. He weighed 7lbs 6oz. He had all his fingers and toes. He was a healthy baby. He was beautiful. He was mine. I loved him instantly. No words can express the love you have for a child as you do for your own. Bob called his mom right away. Then he called my mom. Happiness all around. I stayed in the hospital for I think 2 days. Then we took our new baby to his parents house. I think that meant a lot to them, since it was the first home they took both of their sons to for the first time.

After we arrived at their home, his mom grabbed the car seat right away and took her grandchild and held him in her arms. She stared at him, kissed him and did all the things a grandma should do. She had finally come around. I was happy to see this. It made me happy, and I know it made Bob happy as well. As I followed her into the family room, I looked over at his father, and asked him if he wanted to see or hold his grandson. His fathers reaction was one that I will never forget. He said, “No I don't! As a matter of fact, he's not a Collins, he's a Metcalf and I don't want anything to do with him!” Now that hurt my feelings. I was already an emotional wreck, and he just made it worse. Bob and his mom just laughed. I was horrified! How could you guys laugh? When I finally was able to confront Bob about his dad's rude comment, he said to me “just ignore him, this is a lot for him to deal with!” “A lot to deal with my ass, he just disrespected you, me and your son, and all you can say this is a lot for him to deal with.” I wanted my parents at that very moment.

It wasn't long before Bob had to leave for another round of training in San Diego. I needed a plan. I couldn't stay in that house for another minute with that man. So, I had decided to leave and move to Florida. As soon as Bob left, I packed all that I had, all that Cody had and I left for my Aunts house for the night. The next afternoon I would be on a plane heading to Florida.

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Big dreams...

After Christmas break was over and we had to make our way back to school, (yuck) things were different. We were seniors. The end of an era. The class of 1992. Wow, I had made it! Well,....we had made it.
    The buzz was prom, graduation and what  we were gonna do after graduation? Go to college, get married, have kids get a job? That's what the future was all about right? And in that order, right?
  I had never really thought of going to college. It wasn't something that was forced upon me throughout high school. I just thought I would be like my mom and marry someone like my dad. He provided and she stayed home. I didn't know anything other then that. It was easy, right? But when I was a junior, I had my appendix removed. It was during  winter 1991. I was in the hospital for a week. I was so impressed by all the nurse,s the needles, the blood and gross stuff and thought this is what I want to be when I grow up.
Yep, so I had my sights set on this as a job. I researched it as much as I could back then without having the luxury of the Internet. I was set. I was going to college. Just didn't know where yet?
  In my yearbook along side my senior picture I wrote my goal "become a nurse and marry Bob." Yep, it's there in black and white for everyone to see. Big dreams!
 Well, in April 1992 as I was trying to figure out what I was going to wear to prom, something strange was happening. Something, very strange. I had missed a period. "Ummmmmm!" Back in February sometime, Bob and I had committed the ultimate no no...we had sex. Protected....unprotected?? Not so sure exactly. But given the fact that I was pregnant would probably mean ...ahhhh...."unprotected!!"
   My mother knew every. single. time. I had a period. Faithfully she would check me off on the calendar that she kept posted for the world to see in the kitchen. So when it came "my time of the month" and I was late, she questioned me. "Ange, shouldn't you have started your period by now?" I would say, " no I don't think so, maybe I'm stresses about graduation and prom." Ya that's it!
  Well, she had noticed more then just a "missed"  "X" on the calendar, she had noticed that I was coming home from school and eating 3 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and a huge glass of chocolate milk. This was something I hadn't done before.
When I suspected that I was pregnant, I had a friend bring a pregnancy test to school for me. I couldn't bring it myself, where was I going to get the money to pay for it? I certainly couldn't ask my mom for cash to buy tampons, knowing that I wasn't really going to be using them. (even though she didn't know I wouldn't be) My Friend just happen to have one at her house. Really?
So when she gave it to me, I ran to the nurses office with it in my purse, took the test in the bathroom and waited for the line to ....not appear! Tick-toc, tick-toc....3 minutes and the line was pink, I was pregnant.
I was alone. In the bathroom. At school. .Afraid. Scared. Yep, all wrapped up in one pretty little pregnancy box that laid on the floor. I looked at the box again, read the directions, hoping it was wrong. It wasn't. I was pregnant. A senior in high school about to graduate, go to prom....! *Hult!* PROM!!! How in the world was I going to fit in a dress for prom?

As I came out of the bathroom, the nurse was there waiting for me. She saw that I had been crying and hugged me. She gave me some information about pregnancy and how to talk to your parents. O. MY. GOD.! I have to talk to my parents? And she said, your going to need a note for gym class. 'O heck ya, no gym for me!" That was the best news I had heard in the last 15 minutes.
Well, it was official, I was pregnant. And by the end of the day, everyone else knew too. Or so I thought.
  I don't remember how long it was before I told my parents. But I eventually did. I had to "grow up" and face what my mom had feared. "I knew it," she said, as tears rolled down her face! I had let her down. I had let my dad down. I hadn't yet told Bob. What was he going to think?
So after the initial schock wore off, I faced up to tell Bob. I was going to wait for him outside by the gym where he parks that hideous jeep of his. When he pulled up I said, "I have something to tell you." He didn't seem to be in a very good mood that morning, but I continued. "Hey, umm, I'm pregnant!"  "Silence." And he walked into the school. I stood there like a dear in headlights. "Stunned!" How could he just walk away and not say a word? (red flag)
I don't know why he felt that he couldn't talk to his parents like I did. I faced the music, put on my big girl panties and worked through it with my parents. So why on earth he decided to take the easy way out, the "pussy" way out and write his mom a letter and leave it in her car for her to find the next day. (red flag)
That wasn't exactly how he should've done it, but he did. It was out there. Both parents knew.
My mom decided that she was going to have his parents over for a little "pow-wow." I think she made some cookies, muffins and coffee. The meeting didn't go so well. We had decided that neither one of us was going to prom. Ok, I was fine with that. The plan was this, we were to be married. "Ummmm, ok do I have a say in this?" His parents were not exactly keen on the idea and they laid down ground rules. "No one from his family was to be invited to the wedding." What are you serious? That's horrible. Yes, ok, we did a "not so good thing here" but lets move on and make the best of it. Family is important, to me anyway. I guess not for them. They didn't even want his grandma to come. Now that's sad! How could they be so cold? (another red flag)
  So the wedding was planned for June 13, 1992. Two weeks after we would graduate with our class we would be Mr. and Mrs.
I was going from a senior, to a bride to a mom all in one year.
I closed one chapter in my life in May of 1992 as I received my diploma with my class. And I was about in embark on a brand new chapter of my life.
     A wife.

summer love'n

As our relationship heated up like the summer sun, we found ourselves getting more familiar with each other.
Pet-peevs, likes and dislikes. We fought a few times, and even broke up once  during that summer. But we found ourselves right back together again.
  I introduced him to my family right away. I scored "good boyfriend" points from my dad because Bob had a summer job, and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. Bob, on the other hand was very hesitant to introduce me to his parents. (I now know why) I think deep down inside he knew that I was not going to fit in well with his family. I should've heeded the waring signs. But, I was young and didn't know what warning signs were. And really at 18, who heeds warning signs?
  When he finally introduce me to his family, I stuck out like a sore thumb. They were not your typical parents. Well, compared to mine anyway. They were alot older then my parents. They didn't seem to care for their appearance or take time to groom themselves. They lived in a very, what I thought was, a run down and cluttered home. I was use to a larger home with more room to breath, we had more privacy. It had one bathroom. Mine had 3. I would describe their home like the song "over the river and through the woods." It was a small white house isolated on 6acres. Talk about your privacy. They adored their home. It had been in his mother's family for years and she "some how" inherited it.
  I never saw what they did, to me it was just another home, unlike mine.
It had a cold and dark feeling to it. Their was not happiness, no cheery vibe to it. The floors were solid wood and the fireplace was all stone. The kitcehn was outdated, and very old. Funny, that even back then I could spot an outdated kitchen. I guess I got that from my dad. He was always remodeling something in our home.
  Now, my dad never hunted. We didn't have dead animals on the walls as decoration, no sounds of deer calls or smells of Venicin cooking in the kitchen.  I mean the closest thing we had in our home to an animal was our cat, and he was a pet. I couldn't even think of him being stuffed and hung on a wall as a trophy. "Yuck!"
  But I tried to like what he liked, and tried to find an interest in it. But honestly I have to say, it was hard to do. I hated it actually. And still not a huge fan of it to this day.

His parents seemed strict and withdrawn from each other, especially his mom and dad. She adored her sons, and would do anything for them. She would also do anything for her husband too. To the extreme, I thought. His father was almost like a dictator. Tall, about 6ft 5in. Full facial beard. You never knew what type of mood he would be in. Always liked to sit on the front porch and drink beer after a hard days work.
His father also had such a bad potty mouth. Again, something I wasn't use to. My dad never told nasty jokes or used profanity, well, unless he was very mad.
  His dad would say jump and his mother would say how high. I just never understood that.
His mother was tough lady. She didn't take much crap from anyone.  She could be very intimidating at times too. She enjoyed gardening, that was her hobby, I guess. I will admit, she did have some beautiful flowers. I remember sitting on the porch and just admiring her arrangement of flowers that were growing all over. She would tell me stories of her child hood and growing up in this house. I would act like I was interested, but really wasn't. I was 18, who really cared?
She was the total opposite of my mom. My dad would hire people to plant flowers in our yard. And probably hired people to maintain them too.
 We both came from 2 different families, different up bringing, different lifestyles. It was a match made in heaven.

The first meeting went well. We didn't stay long. But I will never forget what his dad said to me before we left that evening. He told me "don't interfere with Bob's football season this year." I was a little intimidated by that statement. But I told him that "I was not going to stop him from attending games and had no intention interfering in his football season."
 Maybe they thought that I was going to be a distraction or something. I didn't know, and really didn't care either. They had huge dreams for their son. He was going to be this big football star according to them. This was "their" dream. Little did they know that it wasn't Bob's. He wanted to join the military.

We had enjoyed our summer. I attend a few of his football practices, and brought lunch to him at work.
I had a job that summer too. I was working at Connie Shoes in the mall. One evening I had called Bob while I was at work. As we were about to hang up, he said  those 3 little words that all girls long to hear. He said "I love you." I said "you do?" He said "well ya!" I said "ooooookkkk!"
 It took me by surprise, because I didn't really have those same feelings for him that soon into our relationship. But what the heck, I will go along with it I suppose, what could it hurt?
  Sex was never talked about. And for a long time we didn't even think about taking our relationship to that level. He was scared, I wasn't. I hadn't exactly been a virgin when I met him. I had been down that road. Been their done that!
  I do remember a time when Bob and I were alone in my backyard, laying on a blanket under the stars, and things got a little steamy. But nothing ever happend that night. And it would be sometime before we got that carried away again.

As our senior year began the fall of 1991, our relationship status blossomed into a strong and steady one. The rumors that started to spread at the end of our junior year became reality for most of our class. We quickly became one of several "hot" couples.
   I was an adorable girlfriend. I wore his jerseys on Fridays with his name proudly promoted on my back.
I was hoping to be one of the lucky couples to be nominated that year for homecoming king and queen. We were a cute couple how could we loose? The day of the voting, of course I voted for myself and my boyfriend. I don't know exactly how this all went down, but somehow all the ballets got messed up. He was runner up with another girl, and couples were not placed together with who they should've been with. It was a disaster. Whoever did the counting of ballets did not count them correctly.
  "Umm, excuse me, I want a recount please."

I was his biggest fan. Even bigger then his mom. The night of the homecoming game was intense. Our school had not won a game in like 13 years. Ya, it was pretty bad! Lets face it, Jacobs football teams had sucked throughout the years.
 As the players ran out into the field, the crowd cheered and chanted. Fans were singing the "Eagles" anthem, and cheering on their team. I looked around to see where his parents were sitting. As I noticed they had such depressing expressions on their face. Maybe it was just a game face! But they didn't look happy. They never did. They didn't cheer for the team.
  Would you believe it, after so many years of a loosing streak, or team won. It was a celebration like no other. The crowd ran out from the bleachers and celebrated with the team. Now, I like to think that Bob was calling my name through the crowd like Rocky was calling Adrine after he won his fight to Apollo. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, like a movie.
...Ok, maybe not like that, but he did call for me a few times, and when we finally made it through the crowd we hugged from pure excitement. It was a great night. A picture was taken that night and was made into a T-shirt. I wore the heck out that t-shirt too. (not to school though)
  His dad came down to congratulate his son, but it wasn't without ridicule and disappointment. All his dad could say was how bad he played, "you could've done better, " he said. I was shocked! This wasn't the time nor the place to put your son down. This was Bob's moment to shine and celebrate with his team.
But I guess this was a routine for him. Something I would learn to quickly being with that family. But Bob just brushed off his dads harsh words like he didn't even hear him. I don't blame him, I would've too.
  It was a great start to the homecoming weekend and our senior year.

It wasn't long before it was Christmas break. We were all excited to ring the in the year 1992. After all, this was going to be a big year for us. Little did we know how "big" it would be.

Fairy tales ....

It's August 13, 2008 I wake up and prepare to drive 9 hours for the day that I predicted would come.
I spoke the words to the judge in 2002 while sitting on the witness stand. Shaking, scared and intimidated by the silence. I sobbed as I begged the judge not to give my x sole custody of our kids, "if he is granted sole custody, " I said, "it will be just a matter of time before he alienates me from their lives totally."
  Well 8 years, 3 attorney's and 4 judges later that statement I made in court was coming to pass. If only I knew what Parental Alienation meant in 2002, would they have listened to me then? I doubt it.

As I kissed my husband goodbye that hot muggy August morning, I told him I would see him in 2 days, depending on how long this was going to take. As I pulled out of the driveway, I felt somewhat at ease, but yet had a sick feeling in my stomach. What was ahead of me that day I didn't know. What did my future hold for me and my children, I didn't know.

As I drove through Nashville, the sun was peaking its head over the horizon. A new day has come. I still had 6 hours to go. As I drove west on 24 heading to Kentucky I couldn't help but remember when the boys and I would drive through Nashville on our to my parents house. Each time I would play "Just to see you smile" by Tim McGraw. Their was just something I loved, about that song. So of course I had to play it as I traveled through there again. This time, it didn't have the same feeling. I wonder if my boys still remember those times, that song?

Heading east on 24 I started asking myself how did we let it come to this? What went wrong? This just isn't right, it's not what happens to parents, a mother and her kids. This type of thing only happens to, well ya know, bad parents. Abusive parents. Alcoholic parents. This very well maybe true, and in most cases is true. But I was none of those parents. I had a good relationship with my kids. We had a great connection, a tight bond. Where did it all go wrong?

For legal reasons I'm not going to use names.

The first time I met Bob we were in the 8th grade. That was the first time I had heard his name. But we were not interested in each other during this time. But little did I know,  he was going to be the father of my 4 boys and my husband of 7 years. 
   It was 1991, the end of our junior year in high school when we first started talking. He would probably say I started talking to him because I was interested in taking a ride in his jeep. I think I was just interested in him. The jeep wasn't all that great. Anyway, he was a stocky, blond hair blue eyed jock. Not popular, but not an outcast either. I was a pretty girl, with a great eye for fashion. Ok, it was the early 90's and I was still stuck in the 80's just a bit. My hair was long and I curled it everyday. My shoes matched every outfit, well some anyway. I wasn't popular, but not an outcast either. I had friends, and I had enemies. I was considered a stuck up snob, and I don't really know why.
   When Bob and I started talking it was close to the end of the school year. We were all excited about getting the summer before our senior year started and everyone was just coming off the high from prom.
As we rushed to class, it happened, "the kiss."  That was all it took for the rumors to go flying around school that Bob and Angela kissed. Ok, so who didn't kiss their boyfriend or girlfriend in the hallway before class?
   We were finally a couple.
 

Protecting your children

Driving to work this morning I saw a mama deer prance across the road. I slowed down to make sure that another one wasn't following. As I kept my eyes on the woods and the road, I noticed the tinest baby deer running as fast has his 4 little legs could go. He had a few white spots on him, and a little white tail. As I drove closer, I wanted to get another glimpse of this tiny little creature. But, he was gone, out of site. He had already made it into the woods and into the protection of his mother.
As I drove on, I was wondering how on earth can that mother allow her little guy cross the street alone? Why don't they protect them and guide them, tell them to look both ways before crossing the street? She is responsiable for him. I think of the movie "Bambi" and how she knew when danger was around her baby.
I made myself laugh when I actually thought of that.

As I drove around the curve, the fog was lifting over the mountains,and I couldn't help but think of my own children. How it was my responsibility to protect them.I remember when they were small, I taught them to look both ways before crossing the street. Guided them and protected them on their way. Held their tiny little hands in mine. As they crossed they would look back at me, runnuing as fast as their little feet could go watching to make sure that I was still there to watch them, to protect them, to guide them safely across the street.
That's what we do.

But on August 13, 2008, I was no longer able to hold their hands. I was no longer aloud to watch them as they crossed over from being a child, to a teenager to an adult. I was no longer able to see them look back at me to make sure they were save. To assure them, to guide them.

On that day, they were going to be told that they won't be able to see me, talk to me, hug me. We were no longer going to hold hands.
I'm sure it was just as sad and confusing for them like it was for me. How does this happen? Why did this happen?

I was suppose to hold their hands as they crossed the milestones of life. I was suppose to let them know the dangers ahead.
But I was unable to protect them. I was unable to keep up the fight.

Did that mama deer go ahead of her baby to protect him from what he may face once he made it into the woods? Did she know something thathe didn't? Did she sacrifice her own life, to protect his?
I'm going to believe that she went ahead of him to protect him from what lies ahead.
It was her willingness, her determination, her love for her young to go in front, and protect him from an unknown future.

That's what I had to do.

...Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Does this apply to those parents who have lost that God given right to raise their own children?
Hoping that you had enough time with them to share some morals,and values that will hopefully stick to them like glue? My dad would say to me "if you hang with the pigs your gonna start smelling' like'em."
I shared that same message with my boys one time. Along with examples of what it meant. "Literally, and figuratively its true,mom. My oldest son said...how right he was!

I hope that I was able to be a positive influence on my childrens lives during the short time I had with them during those weekend visits. I hope that they remember all the good things I taught them. And maybe, just maybe that scripture will hold out to be true, and they will not depart from what I have taught them.